面对它。有时候你的伴侣会对你感到沮丧。也许你会知道他们为什么不高兴,或者也许你就没有任何条件,你已经伤害了他们。
While you may prefer to feign ignorance and wait for happy days to come again if your partner is hurt by something you've done, research shows that tackling the issue head-on is usually the best course of action.虽然起初可能是不舒服的,但清理你的情绪混乱会导致诚实的谈话,从长远来看。
Below are some simple ways you can improve your communication with your partner when they're hurt and avoid angry stand-offs andsilent treatments。
请注意,本文不涉及伤害emotional or physical abuse。如果您处于虐待关系,请尽快寻求专业和法律帮助。
Acknowledge Their Feelings
Don't ignore the situation or try to make a joke about it. You may not like how your partner feels, but you should still respect their feelings and show empathy.
All they want is to feel understood, accepted, and cared for by you. Like you really get them. It’s okay if you disagree with their response. That’s not the point. The point is to simply acknowledge their hurt feelings.
想想听到这些话有多好,“我可以理解为什么会让你生气。”那种类型的陈述可以make your partner feel heard这对他们感受到他们的感受是可以的。
What Not To Say
Here are some examples of phrases that are not helpful and can actuallymake the conflict worse:
- “没什么大不了的。”这对他们来说是一个很大的事项,所以它也应该对你来说。如果您认为您的伴侣过度反应并不重要。因为你所做的事情,他们受伤了,现在是你的工作让他们感觉更好。
- "I can make this better for you."Thinking you have the solutionto your partner's problem or issue will probably be taken as patronizing. Your partner may simply want understanding from you, as opposed to comforting.
- "You don't make sense."Your partner may have a different take on the situation, but that doesn't mean their concerns aren't valid.
- "..."根本没有说或避免对话并不有助于解决冲突。相反,如果您需要一个超时或空间来冷却一下,请说。
承担责任
当你做一些伤害你的伴侣的事情时,无论是故意还是没有,它总是最好承认你做错了什么。如果你不清楚你说的是伤害的,只是问。
It's important to show your partner that you know you made a mistake and that you're willing to take full responsibility for your actions.
这意味着避免恼人的短语,“我很抱歉if你受伤了“或者”我很抱歉你很沮丧。“所有这些陈述确实是将您的责任转移到您的伴侣。这基本上你说,“你不应该受到如此微不足道的伤害/不安,但我会道歉。”
Instead, take responsibility for the hurtful things you said or did. Here are some helpful phrases:
- “我知道我做错了什么。我希望在我采取行动之前曾经想过。我犯了一个很大的错误。“
- “我的所作所为没有借口。”
- “我跟你说话的方式错了,我没有意识到我有多伤到你。”
无论你做什么,不要防守!它只会升级争论或发布你们两个正在处理的。
解释,不要借口
与“我不想听起来像是借口,但是......”留下你的道歉,否则......“发送错误的消息。所以这样说的是,“我想我不应该对你大吼大叫,但我真的很紧张。“
借口不承担责任。这意味着将责任归咎于某人或其他东西。例如,“我想我不应该对你大吼大叫,但我真的很强调,”只是一个借口。所有它都削弱了你的道歉。
另一方面,像这样的解释给出了背景:“我受到了很大的压力,但这不是大喊大叫的借口。”它为您的伴侣提供更多帮助解释的背景why你伤害了他们。
表明你很抱歉
虽然重要的是要求宽恕, keep in mind that your partner may not be ready.
Think carefully about what you can do to make things right. If you're not sure what would help, ask your partner what you can do to make them feel better. Token gestures, empty promises, and insincere apologies can do more harm than good.
你可能不知道该怎么办用你的伴侣更好地让事情变得更好,那没关系。告诉他们!明确表示您愿意做任何事情。
Get Professional Help
在重大疼痛发生后难以治愈关系。如果您觉得您努力修复损坏,您可能需要考虑夫妻咨询。
夫妻咨询can be very effective, especially if couples seek it out sooner rather than later. A counselor can help you identify destructive patterns and teach you how to communicate more effectively. Counseling may also give you insight into your partner’s feelings and concerns.