How Couples Can Rebuild Trust in Marriage

Trust in an intimate relationship is rooted in feeling safe with another person. Infidelity,谎言或破碎的承诺可能会严重损害丈夫和妻子之间的信任。然而，这并不一定意味着婚姻无法挽救。虽然在存在重大违规时，重建信任可能具有挑战性，但事实上，如果两个合作伙伴都致力于该过程，则可能是可能的。

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重新建立婚姻的安全感需要花费很多时间和努力，以茁壮成长并继续发展。由休息造成的创伤恢复是信任的，这是想要回到轨道的许多夫妇可以陷入困境。

Research has shown that couples must address the following five sticking points in order to effectively move past a breach of trust:

• 了解细节
• 释放愤怒
• Showing commitment
• 重建信任
• Rebuilding the relationship

知道the Details

Even in seemingly clear-cut cases of betrayal, there are always two sides. The offending partner should be upfront and honest with information, in addition to giving clear answers to any and all questions from their partner.

This will give the betrayed party a broader understanding of the situation. What happened, when, and where? What feelings or problems may have contributed to this situation? What were the mitigating circumstances?

Release the Anger

甚至轻微的信任违反可能导致精神，情绪和身体健康问题。合作伙伴可能睡眠或减少食欲减少。它们可能会因小东西而烦恼或快速触发。

While it may be tempting to stuff all of theanger and emotions下来，必须背叛合作伙伴调整并反思他们拥有的所有感受。考虑伴侣背叛对你和他人的影响。

即使鼓励违规的伴侣也表达任何怨恨和愤怒的感受，他们可能在事件前以来一直在窝藏。

展示承诺

双方,尤其是背叛,可能问题tioning their commitment to the relationship and wondering if the relationship is still right for them or even salvageable.

Acts of共情- 痛苦，沮丧和愤怒;展示悔恨和遗憾;并允许空间承认和验证伤害感情 - 可以对双方治愈。

建立在这方面，定义双方所要求的关系可以帮助合作伙伴的理解，这种关系具有明显的期望，即每个人在前进，同意履行。

在传达这方面，避免使用可以触发冲突的单词（例如，始终，必须，永远不会）在描述您所看到的，期望或想要的配偶。相反，选择促进打开对话的单词，并使用非批准“i”语句。例如，有利“我需要在你的生活中觉得”你永远不会让我第一次“。

Rebuilding Trust

在一起，您必须确定特定的目标和现实时间表，以便在轨道上恢复婚姻。认识到重建信任需要时间并需要以下内容：

• 决定至原谅or to be forgiven。Make a conscious decision to love by trying to let go of the past. While achieving this goal fully may take some time, committing to it is what's key.
• 开放自我成长和改善。You can't repair broken trust with just promises and statements of forgiveness. The underlying causes for the betrayal need to be identified, examined and worked on by both spouses for the issues to stay dormant.
• Be awareof your innermost情怀and分享你的意见。Leaving one side to obsess about the situation or action that broke the trust is not going to solve anything. Instead, it is important to openly discuss the details and express all feelings of anger and hurt.
• Want it至work. There is no place in the process for lip service or more lies. Be honest about and true to your wishes.

Once the above points have been taken to heart by both sides, talk openly about your goals and check in regularly to make sure you are on track.

For the Offender

As the person who compromised the relationship, it may be hard or even painful to be reminded of your wrongdoings. Remember, though, that the above steps are essential to the process of repair and recovery. As you work on them:

• Showthat the errant behavior is gone by changing your behavior, if you are the one in your marriage who lied,骗了,或者打破了信任。这就意味着没有更多的秘密,谎言, infidelity, or anything else of the sort. Be completely transparent, open, and forthcoming from now on.
• 说实话并努力了解并说明为什么发生不良行为。“我不知道”的陈述，不要灌输信心或帮助您到解问题的根源。
• 承担责任为您自己的行为和决定;apologizefor the hurt you caused and avoid defensiveness, which will only perpetuate the conflict or crisis. Justifying your behavior based on what your spouse is doing or has done in the past is also not productive.

为了背叛

虽然向前移动了很多你的伴侣能够向你展示的东西，但请记住，您对您的潜在成功也有很多工作。当你继续前进：

• Work onunderstanding why and what went awry in the relationship before the betrayal actually took place. While this won't help you forget what happened, it may help you get some answers you need to move on.
• 提供positive responses and reinforcement to help give your partner consistent feedback to things that please you or make you happy once you have committed to giving your partner asecond chance。
• 知道that it's also OK if you do not want to continue the relationship after considering the above steps or beginning them. Just be honest with yourself, and your partner and don't go through the motions just because you feel that is what is expected of you as a devoted partner.

For the Couple

While there's independent work to do, remember to listen completely to one another. Remind one another that you each deserve open and honest answers to your questions about the betrayal.

Rebuilding the Relationship

一旦夫妻致力于重建信任，他们必须在处理这样的关系中，这是一个完全新的关系。双方必须要求他们真正需要的东西，而不是指望他们的伴侣只是知道他们想要什么。

尽管它与同一个人在一起，但不要扣留在这种新关系中的信任。

Instead, work toward rebuilding the relationship by doing the work required in building trust and rebuilding a mutually supportive connection. Come to an agreement about what a healthy relationship looks like to you both.

Some examples include establishing date nights, working on a five year, ten-year and even 20-year plan together, finding your爱语言，并与您的伴侣签到您如何感受关系正在做或致力于您的期望。

Remember that all relationships require work. Even the closest of couples have to work hard at renewing the spark while working to grow in the same direction together, year after year.

Getting Professional Help

You can work on building a healthier, happier, and more honest relationship if you address the five issues listed above, and hold onto the bigger picture: that getting through this is only possible if you stay strong and commit to working on it together.

治疗师可以帮助您处理什么，为什么，以及如何帮助您向前迈进的原因。

有几个forms of treatmentfor couples that are designed to re-establish trust, communication, and connection that can be especially helpful. Through continued work and therapy, you may even end up with a more solid marriage after going through such a crisis.