否定行为的4“是什么”

如果你在他或她从事不恰当或消极行为后问一个幼儿，“你为什么这样做？”你可能会得到一个“我不知道”回复。事实是，很多孩子可能不知道为什么他们做了一些东西，所以真的是个孩子都是诚实的。成年人谚语提出了一个孩子，给出他们以特定方式表现出色的原因，因为他们认为：“哦，如果我只是让他们给我原因，那么他们就不会再做这么行为。”大多数父母都犯了反复提出这个问题，即使他们可能会观察到它几乎从未阻止了未来行为的发生。问我们的孩子why不始终如一地改变行为，而是作为父母，我们继续做到这一点。

转向成年。你在开会，一个人迟到了，你问：“你为什么迟到？”这个成年人告诉你什么？他或她可能会弥补各种各样的故事或借口为什么他或她迟到了。在成年期间，我们接受了这些借口，证明迟到，我们也可以做得好，尽管迟到带来了很多不便。

不幸的是，当我们养成不断问“为什么”的习惯negative behaviors，我们可能会无意中训练我们的孩子弥补他们的行为借口。很快，通常在青春期，孩子们可能会假设;“好吧，如果我给出一些非常好的原因why我做了什么，然后他们会让我一个人留下来。“问题是这不会改变行为。孩子学会的是，只要我弥补了一个关于它的好故事，我就可以做到的事情。它还为我提供了一个争论它的机会，所以我的父母将不太可能再次提升它。

Michael Manos, Ph.D。是克利夫兰诊所儿童医院儿科行为健康中心负责人，在克利夫兰诊所的评估和治疗中创建儿科和成人ADHD中心的临床和计划主任。他在儿科心理学，特殊教育和儿童和青少年心理学工作了25多年。万博maxbetx官网登陆Manos博士建议我们停止询问我们的孩子why我们开始询问4个。

一种sking the 4 WHATS

The first of the 4 WHATS is simply asking the child to identify the behavior.

• 1. What Did You Do?

The second WHAT deals with the consequences of the child’s behavior.

• 2.当你这样做时发生了什么？

These two questions identify a behavior and a consequence. Through this process, explains Dr. Manos, you are helping a child to learn to self-monitor — to look at their behavior and see what effect their behavior has on the environment and people around them. This is especially powerful for children withadhd.谁倾向于在其行为与后果之间连接点的难度难以实现行为产生的影响。

诺斯博士描述了一些关于implementi警告ng the 4 WHATS. “Most children will not tell you what they did; they will blame someone else – the other child or you – if they have a long history of you asking them why. So they end up deflecting accountability.” He suggests beginning with the first two WHATS initially. “The whole point here is to teach a child to monitor and to describe their own behavior, to observe themselves, and to observe the effect their actions have on the world around them,” he explains.

Once a child begins to make gains in this understanding and awareness of his or her behaviors, parents can then add the next two WHATS which are related to future behavior.

• 你能做什么？
• 4. What Would Have Happened If You’d Have Done That?

“So future behavior, future consequences,” explains Dr. Manos. “The 4 WHATS is a highly potent strategy, since many people aren’t self-aware, aren’t self-observant, and grow up to deflect blame, give excuses, and not be accountable.” The 4 WHATS addresses this and helps a child learn and practice appropriate behavior to replace the inappropriate behavior.

与所有行为管理策略一样，重要的是要记住，当您心烦意乱或令您孩子心烦意乱时，重要的是要不使用4个。一种平静和中立，非责任方法将更加富有成效，有利于学习 - 而且对父母和儿童的体验更加令人满意。