问医生:我妈妈不会停止跟我的Ex-Boyfriend

Grieve the End of the Relationship

The end of any relationship creates grief. And it’s hard to go through that grieving process when you’re experiencing ongoing contact—or even third-party contact—with the individual.

Your mother might not understand that you need to take a break from having contact with your ex in order to heal. It’s up to you to decide whether you are able to have contact at a time down the road. But initially, you may need to separate yourself completely to give your heart a chance to heal.

你的妈妈可能不明白这一点。所以一个良好的开始是与她举行对话。即使你之前谈过了，她也可能需要再次听到这个。

Talk About Your Feelings

虽然你与男朋友结束的关系，但显然你的妈妈不想结束与他的关系。如果她停下来跟他说话，她可能会难过，想念他。因此，为了避免自己的悲伤，她选择继续沟通。不幸的是，这是增加你的痛苦。

与你的妈妈一起举行开放的对话。解释你很难过，因为她一直跟你说话。

说，“当你和我的前男友谈话时，它延长了我的痛苦，”比说道，“不再与我的前任说话。”当她意识到这对你有害时，你的妈妈可能更愿意停止与他交谈。

Acknowledge your mom’s feelings too. She might consider your ex-boyfriend a friend or even a family member so cutting him out altogether might feel painful for her.

虽然你可能很想说出来的话，“如果你认为这对你很难，想象一下这对我有多艰难！”但是，尽量减少她的痛苦只会在你们两个人之间创造更大的鸿沟。尝试验证她的感受并说出类似的东西，“我知道这一定是难过你。”

When she realizes that you understand this will be painful for her too, she might be more open to making changes.

Get Specific About Why You’re Uncomfortable

Is your mom giving your ex-boyfriend regular updates about your life that you don’t want him to know? Is she giving you information about him now? If those are the kinds of problems you are experiencing, you can set some healthy boundaries.

Or, are you uncomfortable that they still communicate in general? That’s okay if you feel that way. It’s tougher to set a boundary, however, as you can’t control who your mother communicates with.

Understanding why the situation causes you discomfort is important. And it can help you decide how to proceed.

Establish Healthy Boundaries

If your mother insists on continuing contact with your ex, establish some boundaries with her. You could ask your mother not to share with him information about your life. You could also ask her not to tell you anything about what your ex-boyfriend is doing now. Of course, you are likely the glue that holds them together so outside of talking about you, they might not have much to say.

您也无法真正控制着他的信息。如果他对你的生活感到好奇，并希望有关您的最新更新，他可能会找到一种方法。

If your situation is serious, you may need to take more drastic steps. For example, if your relationship with your ex included domestic violence, you may have some real safety concerns about his ongoing communication with your mom.

在这样的情况下，您可能需要完全停止与母亲与母亲沟通，因此她并没有给他关于您现在正在做的事情的信息。

Get Help If You Need It

You might find that it's helpful to consult with a mental health professional about your situation, especially if you want to maintain some kind of relationship with your mother.

但是，请记住，如果她不尊重您的界限，您有权限制或结束沟通。您有权启动谈话，并根据需要采取进一步的步骤。