问一个Therapist: How Do I Tell My Husband I Need More Space Without Hurting Him?

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单独时间至关重要

Everyone needs a certain amount of alone time to function at their best (even外向). A little solitude is necessary to review your life, get comfortable with yourself, and plan for the future.

It sounds like you require more solitude than your husband. And the pandemic has likely caused your need to be more evident as you have to work harder to get time by yourself.

因此，请求您所需要的内容非常重要。得到了solitude you need可以为您的电池充电，并帮助您觉得最好。

创建一个计划

Telling your husband that you “need more space” isn’t likely to be effective. You may have very different ideas about how much alone time is reasonable and you also likely won’t agree on how and when to get it.

Before you talk to your husband, think about how much alone time you want and how you can best get it.

For example, do you want to go to your room for 15 uninterrupted minutes a few times a day? Or would you prefer to have a couple of hours every night when you can go for a walk and do some things around the house without your husband following you?

传达您的需求

您表达您需求的方式将产生很大的不同。说，“你总是跟着我！”将被不同地接受，“我需要一些孤独来感受到我最好的。”

Make it clear that you want to be the best person and thebest partner you can be. Alone time is a key ingredient in making that happen.

Reassure your husband that your need for space has nothing to do with him or your relationship. It’s just that your personality requires more solitude than his.

If you tend to go to your room to get some space when you’re upset, be honest about it. Explain that things feel worse when he follows you.

You might develop a plan together by saying that you’re going to go cool off for a few minutes with the promise that you’ll emerge when you feel calm enough to talk.

对你的感情负责，而不是他的

重要的是communicate your needsin an honest, respectful manner. Ultimately, you aren’t responsible for your husband’s feelings though.

There’s a chance that despite your best attempt to communicate your message kindly, he may not take it well. This doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.

He may feel abandoned when you want to be alone. His anxiety might start to go up as he starts imagining he’s done something wrong. Or he may get upset with himself for thinking he should be fulfilling your every need.

如果他心烦意乱，同情他，表现出同情心，而是坚持你的界限。随着时间的推移，他可能会意识到你对空间的需求与你有关，而不是他。

与某人设定边界并坚持他们是你能做的最善良和最有意思的事情之一。你建立了一个有助于你的规则，并尽力而为。你的丈夫不必喜欢甚至理解它。但这是你正在做的事情，因为你知道拥有更健康的关系的关键。