问治疗师:为什么我一直遵守有重大问题的人?

椅子的人孤独和沮丧。

粗糙/凯瑟琳歌曲

在“问一个治疗师”系列中,我将回答你对所有心理健康和心理学的问题。万博手机客户端万博maxbetx官网登陆无论您是在心理健康状况下挣扎,应对焦虑造成生活情况,还是只是寻找治疗万博手机客户端师的洞察力,submit a question。每周五,留意我对你的问题的答案健康的心灵通讯

我们的读者问

Every man I date has major problems, like they’re spending way more than they earn or they have a substance abuse issue. I try to fix their lives but I’m the one who ends up getting hurt in the end. What’s wrong with me?

—Megan, 29

Amy’s Answer

你可能会看到人们的潜力。而且你自然想要帮助他们成为他们最好的。但是,你无法解决不想改变自己生命的人。看看你为什么要吸引某些人以及如何改变你的行为,这是很重要的,以便你不会伤害。

为什么我们被某些人所吸引

There’s a reason you’re attracted to people with problems. Your relationships with your parents might be the first place to look for clues.

也许你有一个母亲约会男人to be fixed. And by watching her, you learned that love means fixing people’s problems for them.

Or maybe your father was a great guy who was battling serious problems. And now, you date men who remind you of your father.

“修复人”也有可能从自己的生活中彻底分心。你越是专注于帮助其他人的问题,你必须投入解决自己的问题的时间越少。

花一点时间反映出你认为你认为需要你的帮助的可能性的可能性。无论是为了治愈一个旧的伤口,否则要避免现在的问题,更好地了解自己的行为将有助于你前进。

If you can’t figure it out on your own, talk to a therapist. Talking to someone might help you connect the dots.

不要爱上某人的潜力

Someone who has serious problems that they aren’t willing to address won’t make a good partner for you. You become more like a parent who has to prod them along and help them find their way rather than an equal partner.

Of course, you likely see the best in the men you date. And you probably know that they have serious potential if it weren’t for the problems they have.

But, you can’t fall in love with someone’s potential. They might not have any desire to create the changes you want them to make—the changes you know would make their lives better. And consequently, you might be in love with the person they won’t ever actually become.

努力

Are you ever not in a relationship? It’s important to have some time where you just focus on yourself. During those times, set goals, engage in hobbies, and spend time with friends and family.

在你身体关系时,努力帮助你成为一个更好的伴侣。这是发展道路上的更健康关系的关键。

专注于成为你最好的自我,你将对让其他人成为自己最好的版本来说,你会对责任较少。

看着红旗

每个人都有生活中有问题。约会被投资的人没有错万博ManBetX原生app

但是当你遇到一个令人无助的人时,不要为他们工作。如果你介入并做他们自己可以为自己做的事情,你实际上并不是帮助某人。

Doing things for people that they could do for themselves is启用,没有帮助。当你在解决问题时更努力地努力时,你就会提醒自己。

承诺只帮助那些投入帮助自己的人。如果你开始约会某人并且你很想修理它们,请考虑一个迹象,你们都没有准备好关系。

此页面是否有帮助?